As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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