it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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