Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
