There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
