I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He felt like a one man threesome
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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