Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
