CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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