So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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