that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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