Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
