whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
