His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
