Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
