I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
