You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
