what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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