i will never coherently bang her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
