how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
