I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your cock deserves a montage
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
