i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
