she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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