They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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