Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
