He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
