Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting married
To pizza
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
