Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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