I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
