I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
