I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
