so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
