I think im going to throw up on grandma
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
