Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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