My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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