So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
