Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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