I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize