guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
