i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize