There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
