Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
