How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
