Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
