I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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