How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
