I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize