oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
