Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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