Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
