even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
