why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
