yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
