I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
