Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i out mim tonsoeep
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
