Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
