It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just pee around me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
