Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
