is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
