I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
