apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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