Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
