we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
