A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
