Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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