I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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