# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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