Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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