Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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