I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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