I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize