he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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