Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
They are going to name an STD after you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize