Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
