So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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