i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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