Define "chronic" masturbator.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
