Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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