On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
