dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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