Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
