Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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