hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize