I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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