Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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