If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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