OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
