Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
